No One and Nothing
by Lady J2
Summary: Set at the end of Hawkman 17. PG for the occassional naughty word. Shayera muses...


I don't own Hawkman, Hawkwoman, Hawkgirl, or anything remotely Hawk related, except maybe an almost complete run of Hawkworld.  DC does.  Go sic them.  This is just for kicks and giggles.

Set at the end of Hawkman 17.   Just my little attempt to fill in some of Shayera's thoughts.

Space and time

Well, that's at least one loose end tied up Peacock.  We got Bith.

Seven devils, that's good to say.

Currently, he's sleeping in a cell he ain't getting out of until we reach Thanagar.  Funny thing is, all he really wanted was to go home.  Imagine that, the criminal that haunted you – haunted _us – for so long, so sadistically, and at the end, he too was just a lost soul who thought he'd find everything he was looking for if he could just go home._

Now, the "everything" he was looking for was a new high, more vicious pleasures and his home is a hawkworld, but at least the meat had a dream.

I wish I could have the same.  

I know Thanagar sure as hell isn't home anymore.  I'm not planning on staying any longer than it takes to drop Bith off at the Justice Towers, then I'm running right back.  Things appear to have improved, but we both know that appearances are only skin deep, and thin skinned at that, on our home world.  I wasn't any good at playing politics and mixing with the Topside crowd before.  I'm worst now, if you can believe that.

Heh.  Bet you can.

But, is Earth really home now?  Yes, I have friends, people who care about me and I worry about.  Me, worry.  What's the universe coming to?  But, so much has happened; so much of my past is tied up on that planet, that I can't leave it and just flitter off into the wide universe without a backward glance.

I thought about it, you know.  Thought about commandeering something worthy of space flight and just heading out.  Running as far and as fast as I could, and find somewhere I could break heads in peace without some smarmy hero standing over my shoulder with a disapproving look in his eyes.  Well, then again they weren't too many of them actually doing that, but that's a bitch of a different color for a different day.

But, does the fact that I couldn't run away mean Earth is home now?

Aw, hell's devils, Peacock, I can't believe I'm actually about to say this, but… Home pretty much turned up to be where ever you were, especially at the end there.  When you finally turned and saw me again…  When I could finally see you again…  The eyes were still the same, still that odd, disturbing, outward representation of the pure Hawk but, I could see _you_ in them again.  I thought my heart would break right there, to get a glimpse of my Peacock, after so long of only seeing the Hawk, and even that only when he'd let me see him.  News flash, he was pretty good at shutting people out of his life.

And then you walked right back into it all.  Devil's why do you have to be the self-sacrificing upstanding type?  Why can't you just turn away, and focus on yourself?

Because you wouldn't be Katar Hol.  Damn you.

It hurt, Katar.  It hurts even now.  And somehow, I keep breathing, keep moving, keep living.  Just how many times do I have to lose you anyway?

Jam.  There I go again.  You're still the only one who can make me cry.

Moving on.   Let's see…

Finally met the new couple for more than just a passing "Who the hell do you think you are?" this time.  They're both competent, good with the wings, full of that fighting spirit.  He's determined to make the world a better place, with that confidence that borders on arrogance and just so damn sure he knows exactly how the world should be run.  She's full of piss and vinegar, wary of him and his moves and a regular little hellcat.

Sound familiar?

I thought so too.  I rather like Kendra.  Carter Hall just makes me want to hit him most of the time.  Hey, in my defense, I'm pretty sure you'd want to hit him most of the time too.  Really.

I'm still not really sure what to think of this whole reincarnated-soulmates-destined-to-meet-fall-in-love-and-fight-crime again and again angle.  Hells, I was just getting a handle on the whole Hawk Avatar/God thing (which still makes my head hurt in just soooo many ways).  Now, come to find out Hawkman and Hawkwoman – yes, I still refuse to say _girl – are something a cosmic fixture?  Riiight._

My only consolation is Kendra appears to feel the same.  They would be worth keeping an eye on if only for the sheer entertainment value of watching her cut him down to size every five minutes.  Did I mention I like that girl?

But still, if there are already Hawk soul mates, were does that leave us?  Think about it, knowing that somewhere, out there is always someone who will love you, that the two of you are destined to be together.  To know that that second half of you will be at your side, through each life.  It's awe inspiring, to be part of something so gigantic.

But, at the same time, that lovely sardonic side of me says isn't that something of a cosmic cop-out?  I mean, talk about really not having any choice or say in the matter.  What if I think Carter Hall is a complete twerl, yet now I'm doomed to spend life after life with him?  Who's to say there isn't someone else out there who could do either of them better?  Is that real love, just so strong it's destined to happen time and again or is that just fate taking the easy way out?

I guess that leaves me glad we're not part of that whole Hawk thing.  We may have been a Hawk couple, Katar, but we were our _own_ Hawk couple.  No one and nothing decided that we were "meant to be together."  We made that call, made that decision, took the risks and spent some of the best times of my life together.  Times that will live in me.

But Seven Devils, I miss you.

Damn, there's that alarm.  Time to make sure sleeping beauty doesn't wake up until we reach Thanagar.

Love you.


End file.
